survivor's guilt

day 264:

i couldn't sit home any longer.


ever since the tornado touched down, i have had these unsettling emotions.


i feel sort of guilty.

you see, i grew up in springfield. just a few streets over from where all the damage is. my church is in springfield. just a few streets over from the damage. i work in springfield. a building that is now being used as a shelter.


i just had to go do something. so i prayed that God would keep my feet from swelling, and then i headed to my friend's house on abbott street.

once there, a group of us loaded up two wagons with snacks and drinks and headed out to give a little relief to those working.


i had seen pictures, but it wasn't the same walking through. the pictures don't make you feel the way you feel when you walk through it. even though i know the streets very well, there were times that i didn't recognize anything. 


the people were very grateful for the snacks and drinks, and even though it is all we could do, it didn't seem like enough.


my heart aches for all the people that have to pick up the pieces of their lives and try to figure out where to begin again.


part of me feels like it should be happening to me. like i should be there cleaning up my life with the rest of my neighbors.


but then, part of me feels grateful that it is not me. that i am blessed to be so fortunate.

but still, part of me feels guilty that i get to leave the devastation... feels guilty that i get to come home... to a home with electricity... a home with no trees down... a home with a roof...